


what's in a name?

by platonic_boner



Category: Dark Matter (TV)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Crew as Family, Fluff, Gen, Raza Crew
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-20 19:07:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17627951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/platonic_boner/pseuds/platonic_boner
Summary: Two is a space pirate, not a babysitter.However, her crew is now a bunch of little kids, so...





	what's in a name?

The Raza is about to become a daycare center rather than a ship of dangerous space pirates. Two would _really_ like to blame Three for this; it was definitely him mouthing off that had set off the scientists. The problem is that Three’s hard to be angry at right now, as he’s just over three feet tall and all adorable big blue eyes and curly hair.

Likewise, One is an infant, Four’s a toddler, Five is a scrawny five year old and Six is six.

“We are lucky that you were an adult at age two,” Android comments, as she meets Two and her tiny crew outside the Raza shuttle bay. One’s cradled in Two’s arms, and Three’s clinging to her leg. Six is standing a bit behind her, looking around with wide eyes but not touching anything, and Five is investigating an air vent with her tiny fingers.

They’ve all just escaped back to the Raza on the Marauder, thanks to the scientists’ surprise at Two remaining unscathed by the blast of light that had de-aged the rest of her crew. That, and Four and Five apparently being fighters at any age. And yet, Two doesn’t feel lucky. Two feels horrified at the idea of having to take care of five children until they find a way to reverse the de-aging process.

And if they _can’t_ reverse it... Then Two’s entire family will all essentially be gone.

Well, nearly all. Android puts a hand on Two’s shoulder and squeezes. It’s a somewhat robotic attempt at the human gesture, feeling a little like having a pair of tongs grip and release her, but it makes Two relax a bit.

“I will take One,” Android offers. “Part of my medical programming includes the care of infants.”

“Good idea,” Two says, handing him over gratefully.

One had felt weirdly at home in her arms, like holding a baby is something her muscles remember, making Two wonder who in their right mind had ever let her hold their child. It was unsettling, and Two’s glad to hand him over to Android - especially because he’s starting to fuss. And smell.

“The others would probably appreciate a snack,” Android suggests. “And perhaps a change of clothes?”

Their clothing hadn’t shrunk with them. They’ve all shed their too-large shoes. Five had determinedly rolled her pants up until her feet - covered in now-floppy socks - poked out, but she has the advantage of being the closest to her normal size. The others had basically run out of their pants on their escape, and are now wearing adult-sized shirts as dresses.

Although Four still has his swords.

“I’m just going to take these,” Two says, reaching for Four’s swords.

He frowns and steps away. “Who do you think you are?”

Three tugs her pants, his little hand worryingly close to her guns. “I want a snack!”

Two ignores him for now, the sword-carrying four-year-old a little higher on her priority list than Three’s belly. 

“I’m the captain of this ship,” she tells Four. “Which means I’m in charge here. If I say you can’t have weapons, you can’t have weapons.”

“No weapons at _all_?” Four asks, and Two tries not to groan. He has more than just swords, doesn’t he? 

She’s going to need to search _all_ of these children for weapons, before they kill themselves. Or each other. Or mutiny on her.

“No weapons at all,” Two agrees firmly.

Four _draws_ his swords. Well, he starts to draw his swords, and then realizes they’re far too heavy for him to hold single-handedly. So he draws one with both hands. His thin arms tremble from the effort, but he holds it as professionally as always, and it’s got blood on it from Four wielding it during their escape. 

Two can’t believe she’s being menaced by a _four-year-old_ on her own damn ship.

Two has a stun gun on her. She could just shoot him and put him under lockdown. Four would understand, when he was back to himself. Probably. But the others would be horrified, and some of them wouldn’t be as easy to lock up.

Speaking of Five - 

Two swears under her breath. Both Five and Three have disappeared in the last fifteen seconds. All right. Fine.

“Fine,” she says to Four. “You can keep _some_ weapons. But you have to agree those swords are too big for you. It’s dangerous to wield a weapon you can’t control.”

Four sizes her up for a long moment, then lowers his sword and hands them both over one after another, hilt-first.

“How many knives do you have?” Two asks.

“Enough,” Four says.

Two’s re-considering the stunning thing. She takes a deep breath. “Fine,” she repeats. “If you use any of them to hurt or threaten the others, I’ll take them _all_ away and throw you in the brig. Understood?”

Four nods once, regally.

“Good enough,” Two mutters. She turns to Six, who offers her up a small pocket knife.

“It was in my sock,” he says. “I didn’t put it there!”

“Thank you,” Two says, tucking the knife into her own pocket. “Did you see where the others went?”

Thankfully, he points down the hall, not into the vent. Two had _not_ relished the idea of trying to chase her tiny crewmates through the ventilation system.

She takes Four and Six’s hands, because she’s not losing any more children while looking for the ones she’s already lost, and heads towards the mess. Her hunch is right: Five’s climbed up onto the counter and managed to get into the cupboard with the pudding in it. Three’s standing on the floor beside her and accepting the pudding cups she passes down. Their faces are already stained with chocolate.

***

Feeding them is a challenge. Well, Six and Four dig in to the food Two puts in front of them - Six clearly using his best manners, and Four clearly determined to deal stoically with the rations he’s been given. Five, however, is a challenge.

“I don’t eat green things,” she says, when Two gives her a pasta and broccoli dish.

Three looks up at Five, and then pushes away his own green food. “Me neither!” he says. “We don’t like green food!”

Five smiles at him, and Three _glows_.

Two’s going to make fun of him for this hero-worship when he’s big again. Then, it’ll be funny.

Now? Not so much. “I guess you haven’t heard of rickets, then?”

Both of them look confused.

Halfway through Two’s detailed explanation of what’ll happen if they refuse to eat their vitamin-D enriched meals, they start eating.

***

After lunch, Two takes them on an adventure to try to find clothes that fit. She enforces a buddy system on them: Five has to walk everywhere hand-in-hand with Four, and Three with Six.

Thirty seconds out of the mess, there’s a scuffle between Four and Five.

“She tried to steal my knife!” Four says, when Two separates them.

“It’s not fair he gets knives and I don’t!” Five says.

Two is _not_ giving Five a knife. 

“He’s been taught how to use a knife,” she says. “I’ll teach you, too, but you don’t get to have a knife until you know how to use it. That’s fair, right?”

“Fine,” Five says.

There’s still a rebellious glint in her eye, so Two switches up the buddy system to pair Five with Six, instead. 

***

The smallest clothes on the ship are Five’s, so Two outfits them in the few pairs of shorts she can scrounge up, and then decides to take them to the training room.

Is it an objectively bad idea to take four small children into a room full of very sharp weapons? Absolutely. But if Two doesn’t tire them out _somehow_ , she’s going to have four small children bouncing off the walls of her ship. She’d rather control the chaos to one room.

She reminds herself of this when the four children start a full-on brawl on the training room floor.

Before long, though, they’ve sorted themselves out. Four starts teaching Six and Five some very basic hand-to-hand combat. Two leans against the wall, ready to jump in if anything seems to be getting out of hand, and Three comes over to her.

“What’s up?” she asks him.

Three looks anxiously back at the others. Two smiles at him and drops down to sit on the floor next to him. “You don’t like being that rough?”

Three shakes his head.

“That’s okay,” Two says. “You can sit here with me.”

Three climbs into her lap. Letting him isn’t the greatest idea - he’ll slow her down if someone (Five, probably) is about to do some serious damage to one of the others - but she honestly can’t bring herself to move him away. She pulls him close, giving in to the urge to run her fingers through his curls.

Three beams up at her.

Two cuddles Three, and watches Four correct Six’s stance and Five practice punching the air. For someone whose crew is suddenly tiny, she’s remarkably happy.

They’ve figured out solutions to worse things before. They’ll figure this one out, too. And in the meantime - these kids are _adorable_.

***

At bedtime, Five demands a story. Three immediately chimes in, and Four and Six look up at Two with big, hopeful eyes. Two obviously has no choice but to agree. They all brush their teeth and wash their faces and then climb onto Two’s bed around her. Five cuddles into one side, Three leaning on Five, and Four and Six sit cross-legged on the other side of her.

Two searched around for a book, but the only one she could find was Charlotte’s Web, and she doesn’t think it’d be funny to make this version of Three cry. Instead, she starts, “Once upon a time, a girl woke up and didn’t remember anything, even her own name…”

Before Two gets to the end of her heavily-abridged story, in which Five was probably going to discover she was a princess, they’re all asleep. Four’s using Six for a pillow, which is only rivalled in cuteness for the way Three and Five are wrapped up in each other. Two smiles, pulls the blankets up around all of them, and turns the lights off with a quiet command.

***

Two’s woken up with a foot in the thigh or stomach several times during the night, but this time it’s a little different.

This time the kick is much stronger.

“You’re _crushing_ me!” Five yelps, and on the other side of Two there’s the loud thud of a fully-grown man falling off a bed.

“Ow, kid, gimme a second!” Three says, and Four hastily stops snuggling up to Two and apologizes, and Six scrambles up from the floor asks, “Did I imagine that or were we all really small?”

Two just laughs.

**Author's Note:**

> Meanwhile, Android spends most of the day rocking One and researching ways to put them back to normal, if it doesn’t revert by itself. She tells One everything she finds out, and pretends he’s very interested by all of it. He is not, on account of being a baby.


End file.
